Posts tagged “funny”

God's Faithful, Funny Servant

April 17, 2021   7:30 pm

My father passed away in late January of this year, and I had the honor of delevering the eulogy at his funeral service. Over the past few months, I’ve tried to write different tributes to him, but I did not like any of those attempts more than what I said about him that day.

I love you, Dad, and I miss you very much.

Allen Jackson Summers – born Valentine’s Day 1944, passed 3 days before his 52nd anniversary, faithful husband, and, quite possibly his most notable achievement, fathered the best two kids ever to walk the earth! No, I’m not here to present an exaggerated, self-serving obituary; I’m here to honor the man I’ve called Dad for 47 years. In the day-to-day busyness of life, we often don’t take the time to think through and identify just what exactly makes our loved ones so special. When I started thinking, though, it was very easy, and two big things came to mind.

The second was his humor; he has been funny for as long as I can remember. Growing up, we had joke books that we could read – and we did, then borrowed more from the library when we finished those. Every Sunday after church, we’d stop by White Star Market and get the Sunday paper. When we got it home, Mom got the coupons, but Dad got the funnies. His prowess with puns was near-legendary. It didn’t matter if he got a laugh or a groan; any noise he could coax from you would signify a well-executed pun. He knew the short ones (“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”), but he would also tell elaborate stories, just for the punny punchline at the end. I’ll recount one of his that I remember, and you can honor him with whatever sound it inspires in you.

A piano player asked his piano player friend if he had any recommendations for someone to tune his piano. “Of course,” he replied, “Opperknockity is who I use.”

“What kind of name is that?” asks the guy.

“It’s odd, but he does great work,” was the reply.

So, the player calls Opperknockity, who comes and tunes the piano. He leaves his card, and says to call him again once the piano starts to lose its tune. Well, 6 months in, the piano still sounds great. A year in, still perfectly tuned.

A few months after that, he sees his friend again, and tells him he can’t believe his piano is still in tune! His friend said, “Don’t you what they say? Opperknockity only tunes once!”

I mentioned that his humor was the second thing I thought about; the first was what I would describe as his quiet faithfulness. Despite his joke-telling, he was rarely the one in the center of attention. He worked 3rd shift at a few different jobs, and he did very well with very little supervision. Every year, he worked as the registrar for Neighborhood Bible Time, staying late after each night’s activities to ensure that the boosters were recognized for the work they were doing, keeping them motivated to memorize Scripture. I know he fell right back into that when he moved back to Seymour; I don’t know who did it while he was gone, but they didn’t seem to mind giving that job back to him!

Growing up, I remember that even though he worked 3rd shift, he would go to the Rescue Mission’s Thursday dinner and Bible study. He would go even when he wasn’t actually presenting that day, just to be there to talk with those who came. He served in the bus ministry. He sang in the choir. In our home, we always had daily family devotions, and I can’t remember ever noticing him missing his own personal devotional time.

I could probably fill lots of time talking about the many things he did - things very few people may have seen - but these things made a vital impact for the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 4:2 says “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.” I can stand here today and say that he lived that verse out in many, many ways; and, while my ministry opportunities have often led to serving more publicly, I pray that I have followed his footsteps.

In 1 John 2:6, John writes “He that saith he abideth in Him ought himself also so to walk, even as He walked.” Dad modeled this in his life, and pointed many people to Christ through his example – including both his children. One of his favorite hymns was “He Hideth My Soul,” with the chorus taken from Psalm 63 and John 10. (We sang the first and last verses of this song of praise.)

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

When clothed with His brightness transported I rise
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love,
I’ll shout with the millions on high.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

– “He Hideth My Soul” by Fanny J. Crosby (public domain)

Awesome Bumper Sticker V

September 7, 2009   10:04 pm

I saw this one sometime yesterday when I was out driving around town…

OBEY GRAVITY: It’s the Law

Dress Your Cat

December 18, 2008   12:02 am

I found this over on I Can Has Cheezburger?.

A cat wearing antlers, looking unhappy, captioned "Dress ur cat in gay apparel / fa la la la la la la la la / Put urself in mortal peril / fa la la la la la la la la"

Absolutely Hilarious

July 30, 2008   7:54 pm

This first video, via Little Green Footballs, is funny. Really, really funny. Those of you (like me) who have been using computers forever will really enjoy it. Slight language warning (PG-style) in effect.

The Font Conference

The second is a video rendition of something I read late last week called “He Ventured Forth to Bring Light to the World” by Gerard Brown of The Times of London. (Hat tip to Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler - Language warning on that link)

Special Thanks

April 30, 2008   9:57 pm

After 40 hours of work in three days this week, I’m in the mood to laugh. I got this in an e-mail the other day, and I think it’s just hilarious. Enjoy!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel. I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one past time while driving alone is picking your nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot). Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…

Have a wonderful day…

Glow-Bull Warming Comic

December 21, 2007   4:59 pm

There has been a ton of news and evidence about glow-bull warming that has come out in the last few weeks. But, alas, other pulls on my time are keeping me from chronicling them here. I did want to share this comic, though, that I found today in an e-mail.

A snowman looks down at the ground to another snowman who only has a head left, his hat labeled "Global Warming" having fallen off it, making a screaming face, and says "Do you know how silly you look?"

The artist is Lisa Benson, whose work can be found on TownHall.com.

Medieval Tech Support

November 18, 2007   10:08 pm

This is for all you IT folks out there…

(Hat Tip - Morgan Freeberg of House of Eratosthenes)

Awesome Bumper Sticker III

November 15, 2007   9:42 pm

I saw this tonight traveling to my Cub Scout meeting…

Hillary - Your village called; it wants its idiot back!

tee-hee…

Overheard on the Run

October 6, 2007   1:21 pm

Last night, I was out for an evening run. I usually run in the mornings, or if not then, in the afternoons before supper. However, I hadn’t gotten to it yet, and I needed to run, so I did it. I was struggling - but I was making it. I ran past these two kids playing around a stop sign, and as I passed, I heard one of the kids say…

Wow, look at him go!

I started to feel better… until the reply came from the other kid…

Well, he’s not going that fast.

I know I’m not the fastest runner - I’m not even in the top 70%. But… darn it, the kid could have waited until I was out of earshot. :P

How NOT to Use PowerPoint

June 6, 2007   11:14 pm

Anyone who has sat through PowerPoint presentations can identify with this guy. This should be required viewing for all people who create these presentations, especially security briefings… (I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!)

(Hat Tip - Morgan Freeberg of House of Eratosthenes)