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Posts Tagged “bullying”

Shame. Judge. Bully.

Shame. Judge. Bully. Three words that we've seemingly redefined, but only on one side of the equation. The words still carry their negative weight when they're used to label someone or their actions. However, the bar at which those labels get slapped on is becoming very, very low.

How do we fix it?

  1. Stop. If you're accusing someone using these terms, stop. (You don't have to stay stopped - keep reading.)
  2. Investigate. I don't want to hear that this person is a bully (a subjective, opinionated statement); I want to hear what they did that is so reprehensible. See, I want to save my moral outrage for truly outrageous things. If I got upset over every accusation, my outrage machine would have been tapped out long ago.
  3. Do not respond to uncomfortable questions with one of these accusations. Just because someone makes you feel uncomfortable with what they said does not mean that they've done something shameful. Are you truly offended at the question? Or are you offended that their question hit the nail on the head?

If, after 2 and 3, you still believe that their actions rise to those levels, then by all means, apply them. Just realize that by applying those labels, you're shaming - something you say people shouldn't do. If you get a bunch of people to do it, and harass the person over it, you're bullying - something you say people shouldn't do. And, by looking at actions and deeming them shameful, you have also made a judgment. (gasp!)

In summary:

  • Pointing out facts is not shaming.
  • Moral disagreement is not judging.
  • Coercing behavior is not necessarily bullying.
  • When you point a finger at someone, you will often find 3 pointing back at yourself.

 

(Stay tuned, where in our next segment we discuss "Even if they're a horrible person, does what they're saying have a valid point?".)

#OWS, Educate Thyself: Introduction (Part 1)

This is the first in a series doing the education that the colleges which the Occupy Wall Street gang (#OWS hereafter, taken from the shortened version of their #OccupyWallStreet Twitter hash tag) failed to impart. I have two in the queue behind this one, but there may be more.

For those living under a rock, a group has been camped out in New York, protesting Wall Street. There was a list of demand published, but many protesters were quick to point out that there was no official list. However, there have been recurring themes. Corporations are greedy. The rich get richer while the poor get poorer. Debt is bad. People aren't hiring them even though they have a college degree. A job is a right.

Dear #OWS, your parents and your colleges have failed you. Before we dig into details of why your demands are unworkable, there are a few big-picture things we need to discuss.

Welcome to the Real World

This is where your parents have failed you. You are the generation who grew up “safer” than ever, protected from terrible things like concrete under your playground equipment, lack of head protection when you rode your bike, having to suffer the indignation of losing your soccer match because they didn't keep score, etc. You are the result of a social experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong, where a bunch of too-smart people decided that the way children were reared for generations had to change. They were going to do it better. They were going to do it more safely. They remembered how bad they felt as children, when they were picked last for sports, or struck out and helped their team lose a game; or how they were made fun of during the awkward stages as they grew from children to adults; or how they never fit in with the “in” clique at school. So, they tried to eliminate all these things. No scorekeeping, and everyone gets a trophy. “Don't say that word!” “Bullying is wrong!”

Where they went wrong is that by their attempts to eliminate bad things, they did not teach you how to deal with these bad things. I'm all for the elimination of bullying, but you can't wish that and make it go away; you should be trained on how to deal with it. In real life, there are winners and losers; there is no “no scorekeeping” option. Everyone does not get a trophy. There are attempts, and there are failures. You have tragically had your opportunities to learn how to deal with this as a child snatched from you. Now, you're behaving as children would normally behave; you're just a lot bigger. You're adults, so you think that your demands aren't childish. Sadly, I'm here to inform you that they are. Railing against the real world is futile; you are not going to change it, at least not much. You would be much better served applying yourself and learning how things work.

A College Degree Is a Tool, Not a Guarantee

Here is one area where your college has failed you. No matter what the admissions adviser told you, a college degree is not a guarantee of a good job. Even in good economic times, a college degree is likely to get you in the door, at an entry-level position. (You understand where the term “entry-level” comes from right? The level you start, when you enter a company?) The people that have been there for 10 years beg to differ with your assertion that you should start out at the level to which they have worked themselves up. And, if your degree ends with “Studies,” you're probably 1/4 as employable as someone with a degree oriented toward something a business would actually need.

The Corporations You Decry Have Made Your Protest Possible

You have utilized the services of several public and private companies. Let's take a look at the evil that's made this protest possible, shall we?

  • Twitter - Still a private company, Twitter was valued at $10B earlier this year.
  • Facebook - Also a private company, Facebook's valuation at early 2011 was $50B.
  • Google (GOOG) - You know, the owners of YouTube, the developers of the Android mobile operating system, and the target of your “Google It!” chants? They are a publicly-traded company valued at $57.85B (plus assets, minus liabilities)
  • Did you drive, or take public transportation, to get to the site of your occupation? Those evil oil companies made that possible.

Now, what you're not going to read in future installments are claims that the “real world” is perfect. There is room for change, and there are people running companies who have no business running them. However, if you want to maintain the lifestyle in America to which you've become accustomed, or improve it, you really don't want to be throwing the baby out with the bath water.

I'm sorry your parents and colleges have failed you. If you stay tuned to this spot, I'll help educate you on why the things you're so worked up about, contrary to what your “I wish communism worked because it's just such a good idea” professors taught you, are actually good for you.

Next in this series - Part 2: Credit and BanksPart 3: Income Inequality